With the departure of the beautiful and sparkly Markus Naslund to the filthy Rangers, it came to my attention that there is a spot open for my new second favourite Canuck. No one is ever going to overtake Matty Ohlund as my favourite, but I think it’s always a good thing to have a second favourite. I had my work giraffes send out questionnaires to any players that would be on my short list for second favourite Canuck. The guys were asked to write in 100 words or less, why they thought they would be a good choice for my second favourite. Here are their responses.
First of all, I let you call me Big Bear and I don’t even care. I also add ze letter S to things that don’t need it. You obviously find this charming. When ze Sedin twins are getting beat on this season, chances are I’ll beats the player up. Alex Burrows told me you have a things for French Canadian accent, and nobodies can touch mine. What else can I tells you…I have a power move on ze Youtube where I stickhandles to the net one handed. Well that’s about it. Looking forward to being your second favourite Canucks.
There’s a lot of reasons why I should be your second favourite. I’m punky. I think you’ll find that entertaining next season. Guys have stomped on my leg I’m so punky. Your favourite position is defence, and while I’m not a defencemen, I’m pretty damn good at defence. You’ll see a Selke trophy on my mantle in 10 years. I wanted to play in the playoffs two years ago so badly, I asked them to cut off my broken finger. That shows dedication. Just so you know, I find Seinfeld really funny. And finally, I can’t stop blasting the Hip Hop in the dressing room. You’re a wigger, I’m a wigger.
Well, let’s see here, bebeh. I’m funny in interviews. You’ll never get a boring sound byte out of me. I wasn’t drafted to ze NHL. I worked my butt off to get a spot on the Canucks. I don’t know how to take a shift off. My salary is ze bare minimum. I deserve more, but I don’t need it. I’m the Wayne Gretzky of ball hockey. When I’m on ze ice, I don’t stop yapping, and guys try to beat me up. I singlehandledly started that scrum at the start of ze Detroit game you were watching live. And let’s face it. I look pretty damn cute when I score a goal. And I know you think I’m pretty.
I think the fact that I get so mad when I play, and I look so pissed off, should be a big reason why I deserve to be your second favourite. My angry face was a reason you love hockey. Also, I really enjoy beating guys up. I know you like fights, even though you sometimes try to pretend you don’t. I’m a defenceman, which gives me bonus points. Did you know I finished my college degree with a 4.0 GPA? I’m good with the media, and I’ve heard that some people want to make me a captain eventually. I just like to kick back and have some fun with the guys. I’d be a well rounded second favourite choice.
This was kind of hard for me, because I don’t really like talking about myself. But you told me to fill this out, so I’m filling it out. I’m Swedish. I know how much you like Sweden. You don’t like to talk a lot, and neither do I. Ummmm….I’m tall. I play defence. I like to sleep a lot, and I hear you do too. Ummmm…I can dance pretty well. Watch me do the robot in the rookie dance video, if you need to be reminded. Some people called me mini Ohlie last season, because I reminded them of Mattias Ohlund. And ummm…he’s your favourite, right? That’s got to be good. Ummmm, that’s about it. I’m going to go have a nap now.
These responses were fantastic. And made it hard to decide just who should be my new second favourite Canuck. I told the guys I would a need little more time and some extra study to decide. If they wanted to send some pictures, that would be great too. If you have an opinion on who I should pick, I would love to hear it. I need all the help I can get.