Look What I mailed Mike Gillis…

 

Humming Giraffe’s Bill For Alcohol Consumption

1 bottle of Jameson’s whiskey

3 mickeys of Captain Morgan’s spiced rum

4 26s of Stoli vodka

12 beer

1 40 of tequila

1 bag of limes for tequila

1 knife for limes for tequila

1 bag of salt for cut limes for tequila

1 salt shaker to put the bag of salt into for the cut limes for the tequila

Total: $300 approx. Or 1 plane ticket to Sweden would suffice.

 

Application For Head Coach Position

Pros:

Work well with Swedes

Players will have high self esteem because I will call them pretty

Not afraid to call them mentally deficient dumbasses if they take stupid penalties

Enjoy seeing guys skate on the same line for longer than the length of an ABBA song

Nice wardrobe

Love going to IKEA

Can count to 5

Cons:

May show up to work drunk if losing streaks get too bad

May lose ability to speak coherently after truly terrible periods

– Can be called at home at any hour. References available upon request.

 

So, who’s deep into their tequila bottles now?  My oh my.  This is getting painful.  That almost win against San Jose was supposed be a step in the right direction, and they were supposed to be re energized after the all star break.  Le sigh.  So much for that. 

Yes, the refs hosed us a little bit in this one, but whatever Canucks.  That’s still no excuse to give up THREE freakin power play goals to one of the very worst power play teams in the league.  You’re supposed to get pissed at the hoser refs and put up a kick ass penalty kill. 

The defence is STILL running around like they’re all on mescaline.  Lui’s back in between the pipes, so there is really no excuse for it.  Oh and excuse me, JOEL WARD, whoever you are, I do not appreciate seeing my favourite player bleed enough to need stitches from your ugly ass elbow.  Yeah, guys with scars are hot, but I didn’t really need to see this phenomenon enacted in real time.  Then you forced me to feel uncomfortable that Matty Ohlund was slashing someone.  You should have talked to Mikko Koivu about how much Matty Ohlund dislikes having his Swedish eye region messed with.  Jerk. 

Didn’t you love seeing AV mix the lines up when the Canucks were UP by two goals?  Wasn’t that fun and useful? 

Oh and NOW, our lovely spiraling into a pile of crap team, is reportedly fighting in practice!  I don’t think I’ve seen the Canucks do this yet.  How exciting!  From the Vancouver Sun.

They can’t win a game to save their lives, but the Vancouver Canucks have their game faces on at practice today at UBC.

Losers of eight straight home games, the Canucks’ tension and frustration boiled over with a practice altercation involving defenceman Willie Mitchell and winger Mason Raymond.

Mitchell ran at Raymond during a drill and, when the speedy sophomore came back at the veteran in the corner, Mitchell punched Raymond in the head and cross-checked him hard on the shoulder.

The fracas drew several players and coaches, and tough defenceman Shane O’Brien skated to Raymond’s defence and challenged Mitchell to fight before tempers calmed.

Centre Mats Sundin, meanwhile, has been reassigned to the checking line. He is practising between Ryan Kesler and Alex Burrows.

 

 

Isn’t that just heartwarming?  Now, I’m sure this was slightly exaggerated by the newspaper folk, but there was obviously something to report.  Maybe I should say that it’s good they’re showing passion?  I should admit that I got what you might call…slight swoony feelings about SOB coming to little baby Mason Raymond’s rescue.  It’s like a FAIRY TALE!  I do love when he does that. 

I also loved that little slip in at the end of the article about how the most highly paid bald Swede ever is playing on the checking line in practice.  Nice to see he’s anchoring that second line like he’s supposed to.  *Slow clap for AV*

Time to hold on to your hats, I think.  It’s going to be an interesting few months.  Make sure that liquor cabinet is well stocked. 

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5 thoughts on “Look What I mailed Mike Gillis…

  1. I think a little scrap or bad blood at practice is a good thing… although after last night’s game, I could have probably started one myself had I been there.

    I’m hoping that the intensity that came out in the practice can be maintained on Saturday against the Wild as it’s getting damn tough not to jump off the bandwagon..

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